The Quest...

As my first post here.. I thought I would start off with what fueled my fire to begin this blog.
My friend and I were e-mailing back and forth about spirituality, religion, beliefs, etc...
When I wrote her the following e-mail, I thought to myself "wow.. this would be a great first blog!" :)
So here it is...(with a few additions & revisions).. my own spiritual quest in a blog shaped nutshell....
(Thanks Renee)
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I grew up Christian, but never really practiced as a child or teenager. We hardly went to Church, but I was told I was Christian... and so be it... I was!
About 7+ years ago, I moved to San Francisco, where I had an EXTREMELY Christian roommate. She was a huge influence on me and I started to attend church on a weekly basis and read the bible every day. I became VERY Christian! Although, I would say I let it effect me too much. I believed those who were not Christian would go to hell, etc...etc... (Sorry to anyone I said something stupid to!)

I would have to say that my new found Christianity didn't last long. As the years changed.... my beliefs did as well. I realized that to believe in 1 God and 1 religion was close minded and that I should respect all others for their own individual beliefs. So that is what I did... I accepted everyone for what they believed and didn't believe.

As for myself... after all the years of searching, there was one "religion" that truly fascinated me.. that touched me to the core of my being and that was always lingering in the back of my mind...and that was Buddhism.
After going to Thailand in 2002 and feeling such a great "wholeness" there.. I really started reading into it, learning about the Dalai Lama and understanding that Buddhism was much more than I could imagine.
Although I wasn't in tune with all the religious aspects of it, I had an amazing pull with Buddhist way of life .. vegetarianism, positive thoughts, meditation, etc... These were all aspects in which I wanted, loved and yearned to be.

To this day... I try to practice, read, meditate, work on myself, etc..etc... as often as I can. It's a constant way of life and not to mention a good reminder when I am stuck in traffic and want to YELL at the person in front of me.

I must admit though.. in present time (for the past 6+ months) I am a complete non-believer... it saddens me to say that... but I have lost all of my faith and don't think it'll ever come back.

Although through the harshness of losing my Christian faith, came a new beginning to me...something so wonderful and beautiful... it gave me a constant reminder of my own mortality, helping me never to take anything for granted, to enjoy every second of my life, every breath I take and every ounce of life that I will be blessed with.

Maybe one day that will change, maybe my faith will be returned... but maybe it never will.
I heard that most people change every 5 years.. so gimme 4.5 more years and maybe I'll be Hindu! Haha ... Who knows!

But what I do know.. is that life is beautiful, it is hard, it is amazing and most of all it is to be cherished. I no longer need a religion to show me my way.. because I am in control of that on my own.